Whatever happened to Freedom of Speech ? ….

I realize as far as the whole issue of ” Freedom of Speech ” goes, the right to freely express your thoughts and feelings in posts on facebook is relatively minor compared to say…. the freedom to speak out against governmental injustices.

Still… since in my little corner of the world expressing myself on facebook is a daily habit of mine, this is an ” issue ” for me.

I’ve witnessed many people on facebook post very controversial politic statements in their posts, and overtly sexual statements in their posts also. Then suddenly I get criticized out the blue earlier tonight for expressing my feelings after being told by someone that I thought truly cared for me that they ONLY see me as a friend. This came only three days after they had told me, ” I love you so much “. I asked them about this change, and they didn’t really explain except to say that they ” don’t feel that sort of connection to me ” !

What ? I was so stunned that saying ” WHAT ? “, was actually the first word I wrote to them. I couldn’t help it, because I had believed their expressions of Love only three days earlier, and had no reason to believe that they didn’t feel that sort of connection that they said tonight they suddenly DON’T feel towards me !

Naturally after having a short, very blunt, and cold conversation with this person about their lack of feelings towards me, I couldn’t help but write a couple of posts about my feelings. One post I was talking about the power of words, and how you should always mean what you say to someone since they believe your words, and once they’re said it will only hurt even worse when you take them back later. This was the gist of that post. I did not mention who I was talking about at all. I didn’t mention anyone’s name, or even say anything in the post that connected that person to it.

The other post was short but to the point, and simply said that I wondered if I had a sign on my forehead that reads something like… ” Feel free to Toy with my Heart, and Soul. Play with them like a Toy while you want to, and then later just throw them away when you’re done. ” Again with that facebook post I did not mention anyone’s name, and I did not write anything that could connect the post to the person I was actually thinking about when I wrote it.

Still… despite not writing anything that could possibly connect that person to those two posts, suddenly he deletes me as a facebook friend ! When I sent him a text to find out why he did that, he called me a ” BACK STABBER ” !

As if that wasn’t bad enough, he even stated that he had suspected for awhile that I was a ” BACK STABBER “, and now he has proof that I am !

WHAT ?????

His claim was that what I had written in my posts on facebook would cause his Other Friends to call him to ask questions about it, and that my words would create gossip among his Other Friends also because of what I had said ” ABOUT HIM ” !

What a bunch of BULL !

I didn’t say that to him, but I wanted to.

I did point out to him that I didn’t see how anyone could assume that my posts were about him. I explained that I didn’t say even one thing in those posts about him that could make anyone assume that they were about him ! Plus I reminded him that I definitely did not say his name anywhere in my posts !

He seemed to accept this as truth. At least I hope that he truly did, since it was the complete truth. But it’s difficult to tell a person’s attitude when you’re only talking to them through text messages on a cell phone.

I pointed out that I am NOT A BACK STABBER ! I said that I have NEVER been a BACK STABBER, AND NEVER WILL BE ! Plus I would NEVER do something like that to him !

After he seemed to ” calm ” down, he told me that he does love me, but he’s not wanting a relationship. I pointed out to him that I have not been trying to make him call what we share ” a relationship “, and that I understand that he doesn’t want to label it.

I have been nothing but understanding, and patient with him about this but suddenly tonight he started acting as if I was pushing the issue simply because I was upset at his cruel words to me earlier.

I don’t know what to think about him at this point.

How can a person say ” I Love You ” one day, and then only a few days later say that they don’t feel a connection for you, and only want to be your Friend ?

I told him I thought you ” Loved Me “, and as if I wasn’t confused enough at that point he said that he does Love Me, but he ” just can’t do relationships “. What does that mean ?

To me that seems like …  He expects to have his cake, and eat it too, so to speak.

He wants all of the ” benefits ” of a relationship, but doesn’t want to call it a relationship.

And besides that I can’t help wondering if part of it is because he wants to leave himself virtually ” free ” to pursue other women at the same time. After all, they won’t know that he’s involved with anyone, because ” he just can’t do relationships “. So at first glance to other women he would appear single. After everything I went through with my last boyfriend, I can’t help but wonder about this. I feel strongly that I have good reason to have doubt. After all if he was truly wanting to be with ” only me “, then why not let others know that we are a couple ? Why hide it ?

But… back to the MAIN topic of this post.

I don’t see why I should restrain myself from freely expressing myself in facebook posts, just because someone else ” might ” think it’s about someone they know ?!

Why should I worry about that when I did not include anything in the posts that referred to that person, and I did not mention the person’s name ?!

I  know I didn’t have to do it, but I gave in earlier and deleted the two posts in question from my facebook page just so they wouldn’t even be there for any of his friends to see, and possibly question him about it. Though I think he was being completely, and unrealistically paranoid about it ! Plus since he had deleted me as a facebook friend anyway, there really wasn’t any reason for me to delete the posts since his friends would have no further access to the posts as long as I had them set for viewing ONLY by my friends – and / or friends of friends.

Now what to do about him ?

I just don’t know anymore. He runs HOT and COLD as fast as someone turning on and off a water faucet ! How can I truly believe anything he says to me about his feelings for me, when I can’t know for certain if he’ll say something completely different a few days later ?

I need consistency. I need stability. I don’t think those things are unreasonable things to desire in life. They’re needed for true peace of mind, I believe.

How can you have real peace of mind when you never really know one day to the next where you stand with someone ? Especially with someone you believed to be truly in Love with you ?

What does the Future hold for him and I if anything ?

I don’t know. I can’t honestly even answer that for my own sanity. I wish I could.

I’m not even sure at this moment if I even have much of a ” friendship ” with him, much less a romantic involvement with him.

How can a person claim to be your Friend, but tell you that they always suspected you were a BACK STABBER ?!

That doesn’t sound like much of a Friendship at all to me.

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About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
This entry was posted in Broken Dreams, Broken Heart, crazy guys, Frustration, Heart and Mind Battles, Heart Break, Heart's Choices, Life Choices and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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