Sitting here I’m wondering, ” Did you ever truly love me ? “
I can’t help but ask that question now.
After everything I’ve ever done for you, and all of the promises you made, suddenly it appears I mean nothing to you.
If you ever truly loved me how can you turn your back on me now after everything we’ve shared, everything we’ve been through together, and all of those letters we wrote to each other ?
Do none of those things mean a thing to you now ?
Did any of it ever mean anything to you ?
I wonder if your heart was ever true to me.
I wonder if you’re even capable of real love.
You’ve always been quick with the pretty words, and loving promises. Yet when it comes to following through on your words, you’re suddenly nowhere to be found.
If you can so easily turn away from me now, then it’s clear that your words never meant anything to you.
Your words to me where only just that, only words.
I gave you my heart, and my soul.
That doesn’t matter to you now though, since you’ve found a new ” love “.
She doesn’t know you like I do.
So enjoy your fantasy for now, but as soon as she begins to see your true colors then perhaps she’ll wake up.
I knew you, but I accepted you faults and all.
Many told me that I shouldn’t accept you, but I did.
I couldn’t help it. My heart ruled my head.
I ignored the warnings of my head, when I should have listened.
Now I’m finally seeing how blind and deaf I was.
Still even with the Truth staring me in the face, you refuse to be a real man.
You refuse to tell me the whole truth of our current situation.
Why not simply tell me, ” I don’t love you anymore ” ?
Why is that so difficult for you ?
It was obviously very easy for you to play games with my heart for all of this time.
So speaking the truth shouldn’t be hard for you at all.
I guess the catch is that you enjoy spinning webs of lie around others’ hearts.
You’d rather keep spinning your webs of lies, than be a real man and speak the truth.
Do you honestly think that your silence and avoidance is somehow ” better ” for me ?
Haven’t you heard of something called ” closure ” ?
Hearing the whole truth straight from your deceitful lips would be like the last brick laid in the construction of a wall.
I need that wall. Anyone with a loving and caring heart would need to put up a wall at first, in order to move on.
I never claimed to be more than human. so for once treat me like a human that has a heart and soul.
Why is it so hard for you to respect my feelings ?… so hard for you to respect my heart ?
You act as if my love for you is one big joke !
Maybe you’re right.
It seems that the ” JOKE ” is on me now !
I thought you were a man with a truly loving and caring heart.
I was very wrong.
I don’t know how you function, because your heart is obviously made of cold stone.
How can one like you ever behave, even temporarily, that you love anyone
when so obviously you have a cold stone heart, and a soul darker than midnight ?
I suppose the answer is years of practice.
Don’t you see the pattern ?
You always blame the Other person, but think about it for a moment.
The One factor that has always been the same is YOU !
So how could it always be the Other person’s fault ?
It can’t !
Will you ever see this, and do anything to change ?
I’d say it’s a safe bet that the answer is a clear, NO !
Why would you change now ?
There’s no motivation for you, because you can always find a new woman to fool.
That’s why you always end up having to ” move on ” to your next relationship.
Of course I use the word relationship, but in truth for you none of them have ever been true relationships.
For them to be true relationships you would have had to actually cared about them.
Looking at you now in the cold clear light of reality, I can see that you’ve never truly cared for anyone except yourself.
With all of this said, I suppose the chances of you ever speaking the whole truth to me is slim to none.
As hard, and frustrating, as it is for me to accept I have to realize that I can’t ” make you ” speak the truth to me.
I can’t control you. You’ll do whatever you decide to do no matter how wrong I feel your actions are, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
Your heartless ways are not under my control, so I’m left in the dark.
All I can truly do is look at the facts of the matter.
The facts are obvious enough, so I may have to be satisfied with them alone.
After all, your words have always proven to be at the very least unreliable.
Following that logic, no matter what you say to me I can’t count on it being truly real.
Maybe with that said… maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible if you never spoke to me again…
and you never tell me the whole truth that I want to hear from you.
Love I thought I shared with you….
but now I see it was all just a fantasy,
and nothing more.