Before anyone tries to assume this post smacks of so called ” Love Addiction “, I’ll tell you right now that you’re wrong. After all if it was that simple, then wouldn’t I believe every little thing that he tells me ?
At least that’s my impression of what a Love addict would be like.
For me it’s completely opposite, I feel.
While yes I do still talk to him, and try to be his friend when he needs to talk to someone.
Yet that doesn’t mean I have the wool pulled over my eyes completely.
I do see the hidden truths behind his smooth words, and sweet promises.
I can see the reality behind what he swears will happen one day.
The only reason I’m posting this is simply to see it in black and white in front of me, so it completely sinks into my soul.
Sweetheart, if you think I believe you, then you have another thing coming.
Do you really think I’m so stupid as to not see what’s truly going on ?
You must think that way.
Why else would you keep behaving as you have before, but still reassure me with sweet words and promises that when we do finally get back together – face to face – that we will have our ” fresh start “, and we’ll be happy together.
I’m not blind. Even though you must believe that I am.
Yes I realize that at this moment we’re not actually a ” couple ” again, yet.
So by your logic sure it’s fine that you’re seeing several different women during this time.
You say that they mean nothing to you.
You say that you’re only using them as sex toys, and nothing more.
If they were only mere sex toys, then why spend so much time with certain ones ?
That to me shows signs that they mean more to you than merely being toys.
Most people don’t spend hours each day playing with one certain toy,
unless it has special meaning to them.
Of course whenever I try to point this fact out to you, you deny it completely, and put the focus on me saying that I’m just being ” jealous ” yet again.
No dear it’s not jealousy.
You turning the focus on me doesn’t make the facts disappear as much as you’d like to wish that they would. You can bury your head in the sand about this, but eventually the truth will come out.
One way, or another, you will one day in the not too distant future have to face the truth.
If you think when that day comes that I will believe your half truths, and deceptions, you’ll find quickly that you’re sadly mistaken.
After all, how can you honestly expect me to believe that after months of ” playing around ” with several women that you will suddenly one day stop doing that, and be ” faithful and true ” to me ?
How can you expect me to believe that ?
It would be like an addict going suddenly cold turkey !
That rarely works for any addiction recovery.
The way you’re ” playing around ” with those women to me it seems like you’re addicted to being a player. I can’t see how you would be able to willingly and completely give up the rush you probably get from your current addiction.
Why go from having several women after you to living with just one ?
The math of that simply doesn’t add up, no matter how much you say that you love me.
Can men truly separate sex from love that way ?
Maybe they can, I’m not sure.
Still despite that, I can’t ignore these nagging doubts. The doubts scream at me every time you say sweet things on the phone. I can’t ignore them, no matter how much I may want to sometimes.
Even if men can truly and completely separate sex from love – from their emotions, still after being with certain women over and over again, at some point there must be some amount of emotional attraction that begins to develop. It’s bound to happen, I believe.
Following that logic, how can I believe that you will suddenly drop all connections to those women, and be with me one day ? I’m supposed to believe that you’ll drop those connections, and suddenly be completely faithful to me, and only me ? I don’t think so. I don’t see how that can happen.
No amount of ” putting the past behind us “, as you keep insisting that we both need to do once we’re together again, can change the facts of this matter.
I wish I could believe you.
Of course I wish that.
I am too old to believe in fairy tales though, so you can’t expect me to believe in this one.
It hurts me to face the truth, but I would much rather face the truth now than later.
Facing the truth of all of this ” later ” would be far too late, since then I would have already let you back into my heart again completely.
I can’t risk allowing you the chance to shatter my heart and soul again like you’ve done before.
So if you think I believe you, then you have another thing coming, dear.