A Letter I’ll Never Send….. ” Is Love Enough ? “

I gave you my heart, and my soul, but nothing I ever did, or said, seemed to ever be enough for you. You always wanted more from me. When I finally had to stop the drain on my spirit, you seemed disappointed in me. You were angry at me for not bending over backwards once again to fulfill your every desire, and your smallest whim.
My Love, I had to finally say, ” No “, because if I didn’t then there would simply have been nothing left of me. You used me up more than a piece of chewing gum chewed until it was drained of every last spec of flavor. Every now and then I had attempted to speak up, and make requests of you, but long before the last word of my request passed my lips, you had a refusal already directed at me as abruptly as a slap across my face. The abruptness of your denial was such a surprise to me that it felt like you had buried a knife deep into my chest. Now looking back at those moments, I feel such a fool for even attempting a request from you. I should have already seen the truth. From all of the times you proved to me that you only cared about your needs, any focus on my desires would never come from you.
The vicious catch to all of this is that somehow despite all of your faults, I still love you very much. My heart has held onto my Love for you for many years now. I’ve always held onto hope that we could share the Love that you’ve always promised me. You’ve held Love just on the outside of my reach like someone teasing a horse with a carrot, for far too long now. How much more of that am I supposed to accept ? You say you Love me, but words come too easy to someone like you. You use words as easy as a concert pianist delivers the performance of a lifetime, without even breaking a sweat. It seems to come natural to you, even though you act like you’re completely unaware of it. How can you be oblivious to what you do when you seem so experienced at it ? You’ve obviously been practicing your ” way with words ” with many women over the years, for I’m certain I’m not the first who you’ve treated this way.
I knew that you had a history of many ” relationships ” when I first met you, but still my heart ignored that glaring red flag. I use the term ” relationships ” loosely where you’re concerned because as I’m thinking on this, I’m not sure you truly know what it is to be in a real relationship. Some men simply don’t have the tools needed to be in a successful relationship, and as time goes on I’m beginning to think that you’re one of them.
As much as I want your Heart, and your Love, I’m thinking that the two are far too toxic for any woman to have.
You always start off nice enough, but as that old saying goes eventually you start to ” show your true colors “.
Does all of this mean I should turn away from you ?
It’s hard for me to even type that question. My heart wants so much to be wrong about all of this, and yet my head keeps telling me that I’m right.
If only wanting something was enough ! If only loving someone was enough ! Despite that overused saying that ” Love can move mountains “, I’m beginning to see that it’s not always the truth. Sometimes it seems that loving someone can be dangerous, and toxic to your soul. It tears at you so much, just trying to love them. Simply trying to love them completely, and get true love back from them in return, is a chore as difficult as scaling the highest mountain. Am I up for that chore ? Do I honestly even want to attempt it ? Is it worth it ?
So many questions are swirling in my mind right now, my Love. I wish I didn’t have more questions than answers. I’m not sure how to even begin to find the answers.
Wait… honestly, maybe that’s not it. Maybe it’s that I don’t want the real answers to these questions. I want my fantasy. I want to achieve my heart’s desires, even though getting them may not even be completely possible. That’s a truth that’s very hard for me to admit. I know the truth of all of this is something that I need to open my eyes to soon. I need to do this before trying to love you ends up tearing me apart beyond repair.
Is Love enough ? Sometimes… I don’t think it is.

About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
This entry was posted in Broken Dreams, Broken Heart, crazy guys, Desires, Despair, Doubts, Dreams, Fears, Forever Love, Frustration, Heart and Mind Battles, Heart's Choices, Holding onto Hope, Hopeful Heart, Life Choices, Mixed Feelings, Pain, Passion, Relationships, Restless, Restless Thoughts, Swirling Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to A Letter I’ll Never Send….. ” Is Love Enough ? “

  1. Is this the same guy who you were in a distance thing with or the guy that came back or a different guy?

  2. It’s not the guy I had a ” distance relationship ” with for years. This was about an actual ex-bf I had lived with in my past, but we haven’t been actually together for the last 3 years. We’ve been in contact though for all of that time, and he’s been telling me many times that he wants to get back with me. The catch is that he will say how much he loves me, and wants me one day, then the next day – or next week – he makes me wonder if he truly cares. It’s hard to know where I truly stand with him. I’ve loved him for many years. I never really stopped loving him even after we broke up last time. Lately though, I’ve been wondering if loving him is enough. I’ve been wondering if he’s truly worth it. I’m not sure what to do, because it feels like there’s a war going on between my heart and my mind right now.

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