Can’t go through this again, and not sure I should allow myself to go through this ” mess ” again

I know that everyone has heard of deja vu, but what’s not commonly talked about is when the ” repeated ” situation is a negative one. The only deja vu situations I’ve ever heard of have always been positive ones. For Me, at this moment, I feel like I’m starting to relive an old nightmare. It’s a nightmare I had sworn to never allow myself to go through again, but here I am again.
I’ve come a long way as far as putting my past behind me. I believe that you can’t dwell on the past, or allow it to forever color your future. Still, despite believing in this I can’t help feeling distrustful of Him right now.
When two plus two comes to seventeen instead of four, then you’ve got to ask yourself… ” What’s truly going on ? ”
This is where I am right now. He’s told me a ” story ” recently about the confusion that happened on Facebook around 2 am in the morning this past Monday morning, and I want to believe his version but something keeps tugging at my mind. I feel like I have a little voice in the back of my mind that keeps saying, ” It just doesn’t add up ! ”
I had been positive that it was a psycho ex-girlfriend of his that had hacked into his Facebook page, and added herself back on it, along with one other woman. That seemed to be the only logical conclusion I could make since I was sure that he would NEVER add her back to his Facebook page ! Plus with the extremely late hour that it was I didn’t think he would be awake at that time. What other conclusion could I logically make given those two things ?
Tuesday evening he called me, and told me that it was HIM that was signed into his Facebook page at 2 am Monday morning, and not the ex-girlfriend that I had assumed had hacked into his page. Plus he further explains that because I had sent her a message on Facebook telling her that I would tell Him that she had hacked into his Facebook page again, and that she was Stupid if she thought I had believed it wasn’t Her signed onto it… Now He says because I had sent that message, she is now threatening to cause him trouble ! Furthermore she has told him that the ONLY WAY she won’t cause him any trouble is if he DELETES ME from his Facebook page ! What sort of twisted b.s. is that ?!
It hurt me deeply how ” upset ” he seemed at Me because of her attitude ! Why is it that I’m responsible for how a psycho ex-girlfriend of his acts ? I did nothing wrong ! I tried to explain to him that I believed I was only ” standing up for HIM “, since I firmly believed that she had hacked into his Facebook page ! Despite explaining this to him, he still blamed me for the other ex-girlfriend’s attitude towards him, and especially for her threats towards him. For him to even slightly insinuate that I would purposely do anything to harm him, or upset him in any fashion, hurt me down to the very core of my being. After all of the time I’ve put in towards showing him true love, and true caring, for him to turn on me this way for one small situation, it felt like a dagger to my heart ! How could he turn on me this way after all of the time that’s passed, and everything I’ve shared with him during all of that time ?
The reason I mentioned at the beginning of this post that this feels like deja vu, is because many years ago when he was living with me I went through a very similar situation with him that hurt me very deeply then as well. In fact since at that time he was living with me, I feel I can honestly say it was an even deeper hurt than this since I thought I had his complete Love, and complete Loyalty. I had never imagined that he would turn on me, when we were sharing our lives together.
I hope that I’m overreacting about this situation. Yet, a small part of me feels like it’s crying out to me to tell me that I’m not overreacting at all. Since I haven’t taken him back into my Life completely just yet, I realize that this Time is vital. I need to tread lightly, and evaluate thoroughly everything that occurs between him and I right now.
I don’t feel that I’m overreacting about that at all. Sometimes I feel that my habit of overthinking is actually a good thing if I stop long enough to use it wisely.
All I know for certain at this moment is that I do not want to repeat my past. I can’t go through old situations again. Life is too short, and too precious.

About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
This entry was posted in Aggravated at Stupid People, crazy guys, Desires, Despair, Doubts, Fears, Frustration, Heart's Choices, Life Choices, Mixed Feelings, Relationships, Restless, Restless Thoughts, Swirling Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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