Another Christmas day is already here. It seems like yesterday when I was finally done with the time I spent at ” The Consulate of NPR ” for physical therapy because of my bad knees. Last year I spend a total of 10 months of 12 in ” The Consulate “. It’s amazing when I realize that it’s already been 1 year since I made it out of there, and gained my independence again. It hasn’t been a completely ” smooth ” road, but every bit of it’s been worth it. I’d much rather struggle living alone, than end up in that place again because of my knees. There’s no way I’m going to let myself end up like that ever again.
Today, since it’s Christmas, I’m planning on going over to my parents’ house for awhile today. Since I don’t drive, and don’t own a car anyway, my sister is going to come by straight from the airport to pick me up. She’s coming down to Florida from PA. to stay at my parents for a little while for Christmas. It’ll be nice to see her, though I have to confess she’s not exactly my ” favorite ” sister. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love her, of course. It’s only that we never seem to see eye to eye on many topics, and it makes conversation with her typically very awkward. That’s not the case with my other sister, but unfortunately she’s spending Christmas up north in Wisconsin with her two adult children, and their families. I can completely understand her doing that of course, since it wouldn’t have made any sense to expect all of them to come down to Florida to see her. It was much simpler for her to go up there to them. I’ll miss her very much today, because I can always talk very easily to her.
I’m hoping that my brother is NOT going to show up at my parents’ house today. God forgive me for saying that, but I can’t help it. I’ve never liked my brother at all, not since I was a very small child. My dislike for him has only gotten worse over the years as I came to see more and more reasons to not like him. He’s a doctor with a ” God complex “. If you understand what that truly means, then you have a good idea of at least one reason why I don’t like my brother.
That first part I wrote before I went to my parents’ house today for awhile. My sister from PA. came by, and picked me up. Visiting with her wasn’t really as bad as I thought it was going to be. Unfortunately I think that was for one distinct reason. That reason was because she was basically ” in her own little world ” most of the time because of her current stress level. My niece, and her very unstable abusive bf, were the reason for my sister’s stress. During one part of the ride over to our parents’ I tried to crack a joke with my sister, and she didn’t even seem to have heard a single word I had said. She said she was sorry for that, but I told her it’s perfectly understandable.
Even during the dinner I was having with my sister, my nephew – ( this sister’s son ), and my parents, my niece interrupted it by calling my sister from her work. She had to work today from 3 pm till 11 pm. If it had only been a call to say ” Merry Christmas Mom “, and ask how everyone was doing, then that would have been different. Instead the purpose was to talk to my sister about my niece’s bf calling her at work harassing her. I understand that my niece needed someone to talk about that, but still she is thirty years old now. What did she expect her Mom to do about it ? Her Mom has no control over what my niece’s bf does ! In fact, my niece is at fault in a large way in this case, because she should have ended the relationship a very long time ago. Even though all of the family loves my niece dearly, still it’s hard to have sympathy for someone when you’ve already tried to help them repeated times but they never once followed any of your advice. Of course I realize that it’s my niece’s life, so it’s up to her how she decides to live it. When she tries to have it ” both ways ” by seemingly asking for help and advice, but then always doing something totally opposite anyway, that’s when a person gets fed up with her behavior.
I felt very bad for my sister. All she wanted was to have a simple and enjoyable Christmas dinner with our family, or at least part of it since certain members were missing for one reason or another, and she couldn’t seem to have the peace she wanted. None of us could truly have real ” Christmas peace ” today. I could tell that my Dad was already stressed about Mom’s current condition. It didn’t help him at all to see that there was ” drama ” going on in his granddaughter’s life.
Mom, even though I don’t really believe she completely understood what’s going on with my niece, could still sense that something was wrong. She sensed just enough of the stress in the air that it sent her into a very bad anxiety attack two times. At least it seemed to me that she was having an anxiety attack. I hope and pray that it was nothing more serious, though extra stress is serious enough for my Mom. My Mom can’t be put under additional stress because it makes her Parkinson’s symptoms even worse. It was definitely affecting her this evening while I was over there, because she seemed even more distant than ever. She was off in her own little world. Sadly her Parkinson’s symptoms lately have been very much like Alzheimer’s symptoms. She definitely suffers greatly from dementia now. It breaks my heart to see her this way. I wish with everything in me to have my Mom back the way she was long before she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.
If only there hadn’t been so ” much ” going on in my family right now, so we could have had a truly peaceful Christmas dinner together. I know that Life isn’t perfect, but WHY does so much have to be happening in my family at once ?! It’s too much ! I feel like my family is falling apart at the seams ! I found out tonight from my sister that my Dad is seriously considering looking into him and Mom moving into an assisted living home, and that it would be near my other sister. At least that sister lives in Florida, but she lives about 80 – 90 miles from me. It’s hard enough for my parents to go out anywhere as it is, so if they end up doing that then I’ll probably hardly ever see them. The only way I can see ever visiting with them would be if that sister would be willing to do a LOT of extra driving by taking them from their assisted living home all way out to me here, and then back home again. That would be a very long way to ask her to drive though, so I’m not sure if she’d be too willing to do it. I don’t know how else I’d be able to visit them, since I don’t own a car, and don’t drive anymore anyway because of my bad knees. I realize that in the long run moving into an assisted living home would be a ” smart move ” for my parents, since my Dad has been having a very hard time taking care of Mom by himself. The stress of taking care of Mom has been far too much of a burden on Dad. My Dad just recently turned 84 years old, and my Mom is 82 years old. I want him to get the help he needs, and Mom needs.
I guess I’m worrying too much in advance. I have a bad habit of doing that; worrying about the unknown. What’s that old saying, ” cross that bridge when you come to it ” ? I think that’s the one. I have to remind myself of that right now. I have too much on my mind right now already, without worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet.
Anyway, moving on…
I don’t know why it surprised me in the slightest that my brother didn’t bother to show up for dinner tonight. He didn’t show up for Thanksgiving, so why should he bother coming to my parents’ house for Christmas ? He’s such a selfish bastard ! He ” graced ” my parents with his presence the DAY AFTER Thanksgiving, and I found out today that he’s planning on going over there TOMORROW – the DAY AFTER Christmas !
Plus, today while I was over at my parents while I was talking to Dad about my brother, he told me that during the whole time they’ve been in that house – ( over one year ), my brother has only stopped by to visit them TWICE ! Only 2 times, and he works just fifteen minutes away from their house ! He could easily go over there even on his lunch hour, and visit them for at least a little while. My Dad told me about this with a heavy sigh, and added that ” that’s just how he is “. I told Dad, that’s not right at all ! Apparently Dad’s realized that getting angry about it doesn’t help, since my brother seems like he will always be a selfish bastard ! My Dad was very nice about it, and didn’t call my brother a ” selfish bastard “. That wouldn’t be like Dad.
I had thought for a brief moment that even though my brother hadn’t sent me so much as a plain birthday card, that at least he would have had a Christmas card for me at our parents’ house. All I can say is that I must have had a moment of ” temporary insanity ” to even think that for a brief moment ! Not only did my brother not bother to come to my parents’ on Christmas day, he also did not make arrangements to have Christmas cards for anyone waiting there. He’s six years older than me, so that makes him about fifty-two years old right now. I suppose if he hasn’t shown signs of changing his ways by now at fifty-two years old, that he’s not going to suddenly change now.
This Christmas has not been a very joyful one for my family. We still said grace before eating dinner earlier tonight. Though, I can’t help to think that in each of our minds – ( except for Mom’s since she was in her own ” little world ” ) – we were wondering, ” what do we truly have be thankful for ? ” It’s hard to be strong when one bad thing after another continues to happen in your life with no sign of it stopping anytime soon.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !!!! ” YEAH RIGHT ! NOT !!! “