Fighting a weak resolve today… struggling with it…

I don’t know if it’s been simply because I’ve been extremely bored lately, or if I’ve been truly missing Him. Which one ? I wish I knew. All I know for sure is that today I’ve been fighting with a distinct urge to send my ” Former ” Maine Sweetheart an email. Silly huh ? Yeah I know. What good would it really do ? None, I’m sure. Even if He actually read the email, where would that leave Me ? Nowhere new, I’m sure. He’d still be ” In a Relationship with ** “, like His Facebook profile page says, so I’d still be out in the cold literally.
For clarification purposes, the only thing I was thinking of saying in the email was something like this…
I miss You. Is that wrong of Me, since You’re in a relationship with someone else now ?
That’s the only thing I was going to say in the email, and then I’d be left with waiting to see if He’d even bother to reply. That’s the biggest catch of emailing Him. There’s really no telling whether He’d even take a moment to reply back to Me, or not. After all, even when We were ” Together ” – or at least when I thought He truly loved Me, He was always very bad at replying back to my emails. He has even less of a reason to reply to Me now. I realize this.
I suppose I’m answering my own questions about this by writing about it. I know that writing to Him would be completely pointless since it wouldn’t change a thing. He’d still want to be ” JUST FRIENDS ” with Me. He’d still say that He’d never move down here, so He’s not going to ever even come down here so We can meet in person. Everything would be exactly how it was when He left me ripped apart, and crying my eyes out, after the very last phone call We had. So what’s the point of telling Him that I ” Miss Him “? I’m not sure. Maybe it was a passing thought I had to try to let Him know how much He hurt Me. Yet if it wasn’t obvious how much He hurt Me by how much I was crying during that last phone call, then nothing else I say or do could possibly make it any clearer.
That leaves Me with the obvious answer. I should keep fighting the ” urge ” to email Him. There’s no point in it. Plus it would only serve to set Me up for even more heart break. I don’t need any more pain because of Him, and it would be incredibly destructive of Me to instigate additional pain. I know all of this. I really do. Still it doesn’t stop the feeling I have in my gut that I want so much to reach out to Him. I can’t help it. I do miss Him. Even as much of a JERK as He was towards Me, still for some reason… I still miss Him. I wish to God that I didn’t.
It’s only been one month since that last phone call when He told Me that He wanted to be ” JUST FRIENDS “. I suppose it’s going to still take more time to get over this, and Him.

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About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
This entry was posted in Broken Dreams, Heart Break, Restless Thoughts, Unanswered Questions and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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