A letter I will not send, but I can’t help wishing I could…

To My Former ” Maine ” Sweetheart…
How could you have honestly thought that I would be okay with being ” JUST FRIENDS ” with You ? If it helps, think of it like this. If you had been working as a high paying supervisor for years, then suddenly you’re told that from now on you’ll be working in the mail room, would you truly be okay with that ?! I really don’t think so. Since we’re not talking about a business situation but a very personal one, that fact makes it even harder to take.
For years you repeatedly called me your ” Baby Girl “, and told me how much you truly wanted to be with me. Perhaps if you had only said this to me just once, or twice then maybe this wouldn’t have hurt quite so much. Instead though, you would reassure me over and over throughout the years we communicated how much you yearned, and longed for the day when we would finally be together. I was a love-sick fool to believe your pretty words, I can see that now. If only hindsight helped heal a broken heart, but it doesn’t.
During that last phone call, you tried to claim that you had told me in the past that I should look for someone that lived much closer to me. Like I said on the phone though, I swear that I don’t remember You ever saying that. Besides, think about it. If you had actually made that point crystal clear, don’t you think that I would have remembered something like that ? You know the answer to that is ” YES “. So for years you continued to allow me to believe that you loved me as much as I loved you. Until that last phone call, that is.
You were so cold, and cruel during that phone call. You told me the ” FACTS ” as you saw it, as if you were telling a potential employer why you wouldn’t be accepting a new position. You explained your so-called ” REASONS ” why you could never move from Maine, and that because of that ” FACT ” that you didn’t think it would be fair to come down to Florida so We could finally meet in person. When I asked you if all of that wasn’t because that you’ve actually been ” seeing someone ” all of this time, or perhaps you’re actually already married, you firmly assured me that neither one was true. You even went on to say that you haven’t had the ” time ” to see anyone. Like the ” love-sick fool ” that I was, I believed you.
Then only SIX DAYS after that phone call you announce to the ” Facebook world ” that you’re ” IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH… ” ! Just SIX DAYS ! I don’t see that relationship suddenly springing up in a time span of only six days ! That only leaves the FACT that you LIED to Me ! You MUST have been ” seeing someone ” for a long time before that last phone call. It’s the only way that the relationship could exist. Knowing this tells me that there’s no way for Me to truly know what else you probably LIED to Me about over the years ! HOW ON EARTH could I even be ” JUST FRIENDS ” with someone that I can’t even trust to tell me the truth ?! I can’t ! I don’t believe that you could either if you stop, and think about it.
As of tomorrow it will be ONE MONTH since that last phone call. It doesn’t surprise Me that You haven’t made a single attempt to reach out to me as far this supposed ” FRIENDSHIP ” that you said you still wanted with me. I suppose you’ve been too busy with your new girlfriend to think twice about me. You threw me away like yesterday’s newspaper. After years of a ” LOVE ” that I thought was true, you’ve moved on as if I never even existed. I wonder, does your new girlfriend know how quickly you can throw away someone you ” supposedly loved ” ? I doubt that she truly knows the real you. She may believe that she truly knows you, but she doesn’t. I saw the ” REAL YOU ” during that last phone call. I wonder how long it will take Her to find out about the ” REAL YOU ” ?
One thing I know for sure is that when your new girlfriend finally finds out about the ” REAL YOU “, don’t bother trying to come crawling back to Me ! If you dare to even try that, I’ll treat you with the same cruelty, and coldness, that you showed me. Then maybe you’ll finally see the huge mistake you made when you threw me away. You’ve missed out on the greatest LOVE that you could have had in your life. I would have loved, and cherished you forever. I would have been happy to grow old with you. Plus I would have done everything I could have every day of our lives together to show you how much I truly loved you. Now You’ll never have any of that. You think you’ll have that with ” HER ” ? I don’t think so. The reason I say that is because it’s only a matter of time when She will find out about the ” REAL YOU “. Then on that day you’ll be alone once again. I wonder if when that day comes you’ll finally realize how badly you treat others that want nothing more than to love you. Somehow I seriously doubt that you’ll ever realize how you are.
” JUST FRIENDS ” ? NO… We will NEVER be ” JUST FRIENDS ” ! I won’t go from being your ” Baby Girl “, to just a FRIEND ! I refuse to be belittled like that. I won’t be stepped on by you, and won’t act as if I’m ” happy ” about it. I won’t !

Advertisements

About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
This entry was posted in Broken Dreams, Heart Break, Sorrow and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to A letter I will not send, but I can’t help wishing I could…

    • Thank you for the hugs. I really appreciate it. I’m doing better than that letter sounds really, except for a distinct feeling of frustration. I guess you could say that I’ve been feeling like I have a ” ball of frustration ” stuck inside that I needed to get out. I mean it about wishing I could send Him that letter. But I won’t do it, because I know how pointless it would be. Even IF He read it in it’s entirety, He would read it from His twisted point of view, so He still wouldn’t completely understand everything I said in it. I’m just thankful that at least I have my blogs to write in. Writing has always helped me to release pent up emotions about good and bad situations going on in my life.

  1. I just got ditched by my LDR just 9 days after I came across the country to be with him. 12 months of flying back and forth to meet, talking for hours every day on phone and skype, telling me how precious I was to him .. etc .. and then .. he left the night he dumped me, to go on a date – that very night. I am stuck in the house with him until I find somewhere else to live – he has gone away for the weekend to stay with the new woman. it sucks, it hurts and I cannot stop crying .. but your situation is like mine – better to find out the truth now than in another 6 months or 6 years.

    Hope you are doing better
    x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s