No More ” Maine ” Sweetheart… :(

Today the phone call from my supposed ” Maine ” Sweetheart turned out exactly how I had feared that it would !
I got the standard speech that He wants us to be ” Just Friends ” from now on. His reasoning was because He doesn’t see a future for us. He stated very bluntly that He doesn’t see Himself ever moving out of Maine. He further went on to explain that since He’s decided that He’s never moving away from Maine, that it wouldn’t be ” fair ” for Him to come visit Me in person this December ! So less than 2 months till I had thought He was going to come down to Florida so We could finally meet, He tells Me that it’s not going to happen ! This is after He had basically already promised Me that it was what He truly wanted, and that it would happen ! Talk about ” stringing someone along ” ! Apparently it’s getting clearer by the moment that He’s been stringing Me along for a very long time. He’s never once spoken up, and told Me flat out that He didn’t see Himself EVER moving out of Maine ! Instead He’s always… ALWAYS… been very romantic, and very sweet to Me on the phone. His constant ” sweetness ” on the phone has never once given Me a clear idea that He didn’t truly want a future with Me. I suppose now that this is something He’s been hiding successfully from Me for a long time.
I feel like a truck has ran over Me, then backed up and ran over Me AGAIN ! Or I could put it another way… I feel like someone has RIPPED my Heart out of my chest with a jagged knife !
He tried to claim during today’s phone call, that He’s tried during earlier phone conversations to encourage Me to find someone that lives closer to Me. I told Him that I don’t remember Him saying any such thing ! He must not have been very clear about it, at least.
During the phone call today He had the NERVE to start telling Me that I should try websites like Match.com, or Chemistry.com, and put in all of my information so I could possibly find someone that lives close to Me ! I’m sitting here on my end of the phone conversation crying my eyes out, and He’s already telling Me to start trying to find someone else ! What the hell ! I told Him, ” Please Stop ! I don’t want to hear that right now. I understand that You ‘ think ‘ that You’re being helpful, but DON’T ! Besides, I don’t want to find ANYONE ELSE since YOU are the ONLY ONE that I want ! ” He shrugged that last comment off quicker than You can blink ! After I had said all of that, it seemed like He couldn’t end the phone call quick enough. He used a good excuse, that He needed to get a shower, and start cooking for later since He had just got home from work not long ago. But all of that I thought was a weak excuse to back out of the conversation, and avoid the FACT of how much He had just HURT ME !
What do I now ?! I wish to GOD that I knew !
I suppose that I’m forced with no other choice but to move on, since obviously You can’t ‘ make someone ‘ care for You… and I wouldn’t want to even begin to try to force them anyway. Still, knowing all of this doesn’t make this pain any easier to deal with ! It hurts so DAMN MUCH ! Even while just typing this post about it, I’m trying hard to hold back the tears ! They feel like a river that’s on the verge of breaking through a damn. For close to 2 hours right after I said ” Goodbye ” to Him, I cried ! I thought the tears would never end. Thankfully I was able to contact two of my very dear friends. I talked for a very short time to one of them, but much longer to the other. Talking to good friends about this helped a lot… yet even still my chest hurts from the heart ache !

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About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
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9 Responses to No More ” Maine ” Sweetheart… :(

  1. simplylive91 says:

    Just hang in there! Its one thing to say something or even write something but its a whole other thing to actually do what you say you will do. Unlike most people I always like to think the best about people. I always trust people. The truth is that there are so many people out there just full of hot air. I’m really sorry for your heart ache. Keep your chin up and I say just cry, let it out, get it out and move on. Hold your friends close in times like this it’s good to know you have people in your corner.

    • Thank You very much for Your comment. I’m trying to hang in there. I’m trying very hard to, but tonight every time I think I’ve calmed down completely I end up starting to cry again. You’ve got a very good point. Maybe I should just allow myself to cry as much as I want to, at least for now. After all, I’ve had feelings for that guy for years now. It was an ongoing 7 year long thing. I say ‘ thing ‘, since now I’m not even sure what it really was. Since I was so emotionally invested in it, I’m imagining that it’s going to take some amount of time for Me to truly move on. I am very thankful for my friends. Without them, I don’t know how I would have gotten through this night. Thanks again for stopping by, and commenting. I really appreciate it.

      • simplylive91 says:

        Letting emotion out is a good thing its just the ways in which some people let emotion out that can be come a problem. Punching a random person in the face is not a healthy outlet of emotion. Haha I mean I’ll just be honest I have been in that crying on and off mood for a couple days now due to stresses of life lets say. Yes it may be time to cheer up but what I’m having a hard time dealing with is that if I “cheer up” then I would feel like I’m faking it. I’m not going to put on a happy face just because. Always be true to how your feeling. And if you want to cry then cry.

  2. So sorry that it went down like it did. You must be devastated after looking forward to your meet .. I hate to say this but it sounds to me like he has met someone closer to home that he can be with now, rather than having to wait.

    Just go no contact, leave him be and hold your dignity – he may be back when he realises what he is losing – but no contact will help you to get some control over your emotions (obviously this won’t happen overnight) .. be good to you, cry, watch trashy TV, hang with your girls.

    This will pass …. but I am so sorry you are going through it.

    • Thank You for Your further words of advice. I truly appreciate You taking the time to comment. When I was on the phone with Him Yesterday I asked Him… ” Are You sure that there isn’t Something Else that You’re NOT telling Me, like You’re actually Married, or You’re dating and/or involved with Someone Else ?! ” He swore that none of that was the case, of course, but I realize… ” How the heck do I really know IF He was telling the Truth ?! ” If He was afraid of causing even more of an emotional scene, then I’m guessing that that would give Him enough reason to lie to Me in His mind at least. You’re right No contact is the way to go. There’s NO WAY I’ll be the ” Next One ” to make any contact at all, because the way I feel I’d be afraid that if I even tried to start talking to Him again at this point that I’d lose it completely ! I’d either end up screaming at Him, or crying hysterically, and I don’t want either one of those things to happen. At the same time, I do completely understand that it would be completely pointless for Me to even begin to think that He’ll EVER contact Me again. I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for that day. It wouldn’t be worth it.
      By the way, He swore to Me that the ” reason ” that He can NEVER move out of Maine is because His Dad passed away 7 years ago, and He promised His Dad that He would take care of His Mom. While I do understand this of course, at the same time I can’t help wondering if He’s using it as an excuse to never have any real change in His Life. Plus, I can’t help wondering if it means that He’s going to ” give up ” ALL future chances of finding Real Happiness because of this. But, the obvious answer is, ” it’s His choice, and apparently He’s made it. “

      • I don’t know if I have mentioned but I have been in a LDR for almost a year now. It was over 6 months before we met (I spent a month there in June) and since I have been back, it has been really REALLY hard. He had always promised me that he wanted to come and live where I am but, about a month – 6 weeks after I got back he dropped the bomb that he “couldn’t” leave for another 12 months.

        We have been up, down and everywhere in-between since then … and I have thought it was completely over more than once – but … after a break of a few days (I think our longest no-contact was 7 days) we kept coming back together.

        Like yours, he would disappear for a few days and leave me wondering and I got to the point where I had all but given up on us being able to get through 12 days, let alone 12 months apart. He began talking to and met with another woman (I knew about her but, I didn’t realise how involved they were until she told me) – I ended it on the spot.

        He has come back – she has been deleted and blocked and I am flying out there next week for a job interview to see if I can stay there for a couple of months and then he come back here for xmas with a view to things stabilising with him here next may/june.

        When he really, TRULY thought he couldn’t go through with things, he looked to someone else. he then came and told me about her and that what he realised was that she wasn’t a replacement for me.

        I guess what I am trying to say is that no contact works – but it can take time. Also, men seem to try and ‘replace’ us – but this can sometimes work in our favour. Let him miss you, give him time to realise what he meant to you – it might not be all over but, even if it is – keeping your dignity and ending things amicably now will leave the door open for things further down the track – I truly and honestly believe that if things are meant to be then they have a way of working out.

        Is there any way that you can go up and see him in Maine?? That could be a way for you both to ‘see’ if you work offline and in ‘real life’.

        In the meantime – no contact! It takes a while for them to miss us – sometimes a couple of weeks .. but they do. And he may just need some time and space to reflect.

        I hope you are doing okay .. the next days/week are gonna be tough so, hang in there.

      • I agree completely about the ” no contact ” thing. There’s only One small problem with that ! oops ! Last night right after I had got off the phone with Him, I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to make it crystal clear how much He had just hurt Me. So I sent Him this email….

        I’m sorry I complicated Your Life. I’m sorry I tried to give You Love that You didn’t want, and had no room for in Your Life. I’m sorry for wanting so much for You to be in My Life. I’m sorry I dreamed of something that apparently You believe is not a possibility. I’m sorry I hoped for many years for something that I thought would have been beautiful, and amazing. I’m sorry I wasted so much of Your time with a Dream that You never wanted as much as I did.
        Most of all, I’m sorry that I gave You the Key to My Heart, and My Soul, and thought that You would keep it safe, and treasure it always.

        I didn’t sign it with anything at all. Maybe I made a mistake sending this to Him, or maybe not. I don’t know. All I do know is that I wanted to tell Him those things so I did. If I hadn’t done that then I know it would have eaten me up inside for a long time. I have no clue how He’ll take that message. I realize that I may never find out what He felt about it. I feel that I have to be prepared for the very possible fact that I may never hear from Him again. It’s okay. The way I feel right now, I’m honestly not sure IF I ever want to hear from Him again. The way He seemed so sure of His choice, to hear from Him would be pointless, and a cruel tease. I would always want more than He’s willing, or able to give to Me.
        While yes I am deeply hurt, despite that I’m trying very hard to see this whole thing in a different light. When I think about our years of phone calls, there are a few things about Him that I was worried about. I wondered more than once how We would truly get along well in person, when just talking on the phone there were a few things that were bugging Me. Being in person would have multiplied the affect of those bothersome personality traits, I believe.
        I’m not a big fan of cliches, or tired sayings, but I suppose it will prove true that ” Time will heal my wounds “. Thanks again for Your comments. I appreciate that You’ve cared enough to take the time to comment. I wish You all the luck in the world with Your LDR. I hope and pray that it works out well for You in the end.
        By the Way… Just to let You know, it wasn’t an option for ME to go up to Maine to visit Him because I simply don’t have the finances I would need to make the trip. Since I live on only my monthly income from Social Security Disability, I’m lucky to be able to pay my monthly living expenses. After paying my monthly bills each month I barely have 20 to 30 bucks left ! So as You see having money for a trip up to Maine was not possible for Me. That’s why I kept hoping that He would come down to Me. He has a full-time job up there, and doesn’t have many expenses since He’s living with His Mom right now – even though He has claimed that She does charge Him something for Rent, still I can’t imagine it would be anywhere close to the same as if He had rented His own apartment.

  3. If it made you better to send the email then it was probably better to do it. But NO CONTACT now 🙂 .. let him wonder … and he will .. eventually.

    Could he not have paid for YOU to go to HIM if money is an issue? (it’s an issue for me as well so I get that) … that way, he could still be near his mother – and, really, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. (Just in case he recontacts you, I would get a meet sorted before you agree to start talking regularly again – it is different in person – for better or worse .. and you have to know sooner rather than later).

    Come and post on your blog if you feel the need to contact him again – I can also recommend a fabulous forum for women where lots of ladies go to get support – it’s free and I have no affiliation, it’s just a resource that might help you:
    http://lovegirltalk.com/forum/index.php

  4. PS: If he doesn’t come forward/step up then, he is NOT worth your time. leave that ball bouncing in his court .. and in the meantime, work on YOU .. hope you are feeling better soon.

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