Falling to Pieces….

I feel like my World is falling apart around Me as I sit here helpless. All I can do is just watch it happen. I always believed that people are basically ” trustworthy and good “, and deserve to be trusted from the beginning unless they do something right away to show You otherwise. Now I’m thinking that I’ve made a fatal mistake by living my life that way. I’ve been naive, and stupid apparently. I trust right away, when it appears that I should ” distrust ” right away until they prove to Me that they can be trusted ! That will be the way I’ll live from now on, that’s for damn sure !
Today I found something out that makes Me question if I can really and truly trust my ” Maine ” Sweetheart. There’s simply no good reason why He’s kept this secret, and it makes Me wonder what else He’s been keeping secret.
Then as if that wasn’t enough to deal with, while I’m in the middle of finding this ” secret ” out, instead of getting a phone call from Him I get an email instead. The email was very impersonal, and the very last sentence of it was this…. I have a couple things to talk about, that maybe tomorrow I can shed some light on…
That does NOT sound like ” Good News ” to Me. If what He wants to ” shed some light on “, as He put it, was good then wouldn’t He have said something about it in the email ?! I would think He would have.
Now I’m sitting here feeling like something I thought was ” real ” has in reality been maybe only a sweet dream. Maybe I’ve been fooling myself from the beginning. Maybe I’ve been too naive by trusting Him when anything I know about Him has only come from Him. Was He lying to Me about EVERYTHING from the very beginning ?! I can’t help wondering about all of this now. I don’t know what to think. I hope that He does call Me tomorrow. Of course I could call Him, what good would that really do when I’m hoping He’ll at least keep His ” word ” about calling ! Besides, I don’t want to be ” weak “. I’ve been too naive for too long, and I don’t want Him to think He can string Me along anymore than He’s probably already been doing.
How could I have been so WRONG about Him ?!
There’s a big part of Me that still HOPES that I’m wrong about everything. Yet the logical part of my thoughts tells Me to ” wake up “, and see things how they really are !
Hopefully I’ll find out Tomorrow what this ” News ” He wants to ” shed light on ” really is, but I’m almost afraid for Tomorrow to come. A part of Me doesn’t want to find out, and a part of Me wishes He would call Me Tonight !
I doubt that I’ll be able to sleep at all Tonight. How can I sleep Tonight with this hanging over Me ?! HOW ?!?!
I gave Him my Heart and my Soul freely, and completely. Now I wonder if I was wrong to have done that. Was I so wrong to have fallen so deeply in Love with Him ?
I feel like my Heart is breaking… shattering… and my World is crumbling around Me.
I wish I knew what to do. I want to be ” strong “, but how can I be ” strong ” when I want so much to run to Him ?!
I don’t want to lose Him, but I wonder IF I ever truly had Him to begin with. I’m doubting that more and more with each passing moment right now.

Advertisements

About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
This entry was posted in Desires, Doubts, Dreams, Fears, Heart and Mind Battles, Heart's Choices, Hope, Long Distance Relationship, Mixed Feelings, Passion, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s