Three…..

One I gave My Heart and Soul to, but now I wonder if I should have because there’s no telling how long He has left in This World. If that sounds too cold, I’m sorry but it’s simply the Truth. When I First fell for Him I didn’t want to face that Truth, but Now I realize that I was wrong. It’s a Cold Truth that can’t be ignored no matter how much I want to believe that it won’t happen, and no matter how much He Wishes and Hopes that it won’t happen. I Pray Daily for a Miracle, but Faith can only carry You so far. How does a Person truly Know IF the Miracle that They want with ALL of Their Heart and Soul will be granted, or not. The Will of God is something that ONLY God Truly Knows. No matter how Much We Pray, Beg, Implore, and Crawl to HIM on Our Knees for HIS MERCY, it’s Still a Matter of HIS Will… HIS Plan. That’s always a Constant Mystery that No Mere Mortal can completely unravel, no matter how hard they try to. Maybe I’m sounding too cynical, I don’t know. I can’t really help it, because Every Time I keep Hoping that something will change for the Better… that’s when Something happens for the Worse ! So with that happening so Often, How am I supposed to Think about Life ?! HOW ?! All I know for Sure is that I WANT with Everything in Me to make the MOST of Whatever Time He ends up having Left in This World. I want to use that Time to Show Him a ” LOVE ” that He not only Deserves completely, but Also One that He Needs. He Needs to Know that Someone does Truly, and Deeply Care what happens to Him. He needs to Know that Someone is Still – despite the Odds – hoping for a Miracle. He deserves to Live a Long.. Healthy, and Happy Life. Surely God Knows This, since God Knows and Sees ALL. He is a Good Man, and He Doesn’t Deserve to Have His Life Cut so Damn Short ! He truly doesn’t deserve that ! But WHAT can One Mere Human do IF God has already decided the FATE of the ONE They LOVE ?! I Just HOPE in the End GOD decides to show Mercy, and to grant Him the LONG and HEALTHY LIFE that He Truly Deserves.
The ONE… My ” Special ONE “, that I was Talking about is My ” Aussie ” Sweetheart. He is So Very Special to Me. I just HOPE and PRAY that He doesn’t end up burning out like a Star going Nova… Ending Up Living a Bright, Shiny, and Beautiful, BUT SHORT Life… before He ends up Burning Out in the End. I PRAY with Every Fiber of My Being that that does NOT happen !
Number TWO is a Man that I’ve known now for Many Years… about 7, or possibly 8 years now. He is a Truly Wonderful Man. He has a Very Loving, Caring, Compassionate, Passionate, and Understanding Heart and Soul. He truly does. Plus, as if that wasn’t enough of a Reason to LOVE HIM Very Much, Him and I share a Multitude of things in Common. We share so many things in common it’s simply amazing ! When I first Met Him Online, I wondered if I was dreaming Him. He seemed too good to be True, and it seemed impossible that there could be Someone Out There that was so Incredibly and Obviously Meant for ME ! That was Obvious from the Very First Time I talked to Him on the Phone. I could feel Our Fates being pulled Together as IF We were Refrigerator magnets undeniably drawn to Each Other. The Pull Towards Each Other was Something that We Both could hear and feel from that very first moment We said ” Hello “. He admitted later on that He could feel Himself falling deeply in Love with Me during that Very First Conversation. He’s also told Me that even though Many Years have past now, and We still haven’t met in person yet, that He’s Loved Me ALL of This Time… and Still Loves Me just as Much, and maybe even More now. I feel the Same Exact Way about Him – My ” Maine Sweetheart ” – He’s a Part of Me as much as My Arms, My Legs, My Fingers.. any part of My Body. HE IS THE AIR THAT I BREATHE… I BREATHE IN THOUGHTS OF HIM… THOUGHTS OF BEING WITH HIM… FEELING HIM TOUCH ME, LOVE ME, KISS ME, MAKE LOVE TO ME… AND I FEEL MYSELF LOST IN MY THOUGHTS… LOST IN MY LOVE FOR HIM. I WANT SO VERY MUCH TO LOSE MYSELF IN HIM… FOR ALWAYS, AND FOREVER. I haven’t even been Face to Face with Him YET, but I feel more certain that ANYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE that the MOMENT I see Him in Person my Heart’s Fate will be sealed from that moment on. For from that Moment on My Heart and Soul will be Forever and Always His… I Know this as surely as I Know my own Name. I feel like it was ” Written ” in the Story of My FATE even Before I was Born. My ” Maine Sweetheart ” was Meant to be With Me, and I was Meant to be with Him. We were Meant to be ” Soul Mates ” even Before We Knew that Each Other existed. With My ” Maine Sweetheart ” it’s Not a Question of whether I LOVE HIM, or Not, because I’ve known for YEARS that I do Truly LOVE HIM Very Much. It’s more of a question… ” What am I Willing to Do to Have ‘ His LOVE ‘ in My Life for Always ?! ” I think that’s the Real Question here. How Far am I willing to go ?
What will I do to Win His LOVE Forever ? But… when I stop, and truly think this over, I think HE would tell Me that I’ve Already Won His LOVE Forever… He would say that I Already have His Heart, and Soul.. that I am The One and Only True Keeper of the KEY to His Heart. I NEVER EVER want to EVER end up Hurting My ” Maine Sweetheart “. He is a Precious Soul that is TOO Genuine.. Too Wonderful.. Too Loving.. Too Caring.. Too Passionate… to EVER do Anything that would Jeopardize the REAL and TRUE LOVE He has in His Heart and Soul for Me. I would Chop OFF My Own Hands and Feet Before I would EVER do Anything to Hurt Him ! I HOPE and PRAY that I NEVER EVER end up being that Stupid ! Because Hurting Him would be the MOST STUPID THING I would EVER do in My Entire LIFE !
Now… Number THREE is a Very Strange Case to say the Least. I’m truly Not completely sure WHY I’ve even kept Touch with Him. In all fairness, I should have dropped Him like a ” Hot Potato ” Years Ago ! He would have deserved that, and much more because of Everything He’s put Me through in the Past. But I can’t keep Living in the Past. I can’t do that to Myself. It wouldn’t be right. The Past is what it is, and Nothing will change what’s already happened. Now the Question is WHY have I been keeping in Touch with Him ? I haven’t quite figured that out yet, even though HE may Think that I have. I feel guilty about that in a Big Way, I suppose I have been misleading Him. It’s not Fair to do that to Anyone no matter What They’ve done to You in the Past. I know this, and I keep telling Myself that Every Day… especially when He Calls Me, or I get a Letter from Him. But How MUCH of IT is Truly Deception, or How Much of IT is the Real Truth ? I just don’t know. I’m so Unsure of My True Feelings for Him, no matter What I’ve actually Told Him. Granted I have told Him Many Many Times that I Love Him Very Much, and Always Will… BUT, that Love is Tainted by the Past, and the Ever-Present FEAR that the Past will be Born Again IF I actually Let Him BACK INTO MY LIFE AGAIN. What Guarantee do I truly Have that He wouldn’t go RIGHT BACK to His ” OLD WAYS ” given the Chance ?! Sure He has SAID Many Times now that He Won’t Repeat Past Mistakes, and that He Won’t Hurt Me AGAIN like He’s done so Very Many Times in the Past. But Words are Easy when You see Someone Else as Your ” Salvation ” – as Your ONLY Way to have a ” Better Future “. I think He sees Me this Way, since He’s been literally STUCK where He is… unable to Change His Situation until ” THEY ” let Him change it. He sees Me as His Angel.. His Way of having a ” Better Life “. BUT, How Can He know that I really am the ONE for Him ?! How can He say that I am when the Past has proven OVER AND OVER AGAIN that the Two of Us DON’T WORK OUT TOGETHER ! Am I Truly supposed to Believe completely that just because HE SAYS SO… that EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFFERENT… BETTER… AND THE ‘ WAY ‘ THAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALL ALONG FROM THE START, BETWEEN US ?!!?!?!
IS that What I’m supposed to Believe, and Hold onto, JUST because HE SAYS SO ?!?!?! For it to TRULY WORK shouldn’t I also be just as CERTAIN as He seems to be, about it ?! To Me it seems like IF I have ANY Doubts at all, then there’s good enough reason for Me to be uncertain, and to doubt that Things would Truly Work Out with Him and I the Way He insists that They will IF We just Put the PAST behind US for Good ! He’s said more than Once that IF I let Him, that WE can Start Again with a ” Fresh Slate ” so to Speak… Starting Again, Starting Fresh, New, and MUCH BETTER !
BUT… Can I Truly Believe that ? Can I ? I Wish to God that I Had the Answers I Need. I just can’t seem to Find those Answers right now. I hope and pray that soon enough… before it’s too late… the Answers – ( the Answers I truly Need ) – will Finally come to Me. I’ve Never Lied to Him when I’ve told Him that I Love Him. Yet, I can’t help but wonder IF I Love what I had Always HOPED I could Have with Him…. but NOT the ” Real Man ” that He is. Have I only been Loving a ” Dream ” ? Only Loving a ” Dream ” of What Could Be ? Of What I had Hoped for with Him… for so Many Long Years ?

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About insanityrules67

I'm passionate about Writing. I have been ever since high school. I also Love to Read Fantasy, or Sci-Fi. Plus I enjoy Drawing, Playing Games Online, Watching Movies, Playing Board Games, Watching WWE Wrestling, and Gazing at the Stars on a Clear Cool Fall - or Winter - Night. Plus I also Love to stay in Touch with my Friends and Family Online.
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