I wonder about something…. Lots of Men claim this quite frequently, but do They TRULY MEAN IT, or Are They just using it as an Excuse to CHEAT ?
What I’m Talking about is when One Person CLAIMS to LOVE More Than ONE Person.
I don’t mean ” Friendship ” Love. I’m talking about Deep Romantic Love…. The Kind of Love that Stirs the Depths of Your Heart and Soul, and Inspires You to do Romantic Things for the Other Person.
I’ve talked to a Man before that SWORE that He was ” In Love ” with More than One Woman, and He said that He couldn’t help how He felt.
I didn’t believe that He truly meant it. I was SURE that He was only using that as a ” Cover Up “, or an ” Excuse “, to Not be Faithful and Loyal to Just ONE Woman.
BUT…. Now I’m not so sure anymore.
Now the ” Shoe’s on the Other Foot “, literally…
and I’m wondering WHAT the HECK am I Doing ?
Am I juggling THREE Men because I’m AFRAID of Completely Committing to Just ONE of Them for Fear of getting My Heart Shattered once Again ?
OR…. Could I TRULY have Fallen in LOVE with ALL Three of Them ?
I’m just not completely sure.
I know that I don’t Truly want to Hurt Any Of Them….
But… What’s the Solution ?
As lame as this may sound, I really don’t feel like I’m the ” Bad Guy ” in all of this.
After all, HOW Many Times has This been Done to Me ?
BUT…. That doesn’t necessarily make it ” Right “, and I do realize that.
Maybe I’m not really Completely in ” Love ” with Each of Them after all.
I wish I could somehow be ” SURE ” of this… but I’m not sure where to even begin.
ONE is a ” Lover ” from My PAST, and a LOT of Time has gone by now since I’ve even seen Him in Person. He INSISTS that He Still LOVES ME Very Much, and Wants Very Much to Be With Me Once Again. But, HOW do I Truly Know that the Bad Times of the ” Past ” that I had with Him won’t just REPEAT Themselves IF I was to give Him yet Another Chance ?! There’s No Guarantee what would happen. Knowing that as a Fact makes it Extremely Difficult to make a Decision about HIM, since My Heart still wonders about Him, and IF He and I could be Truly Happy Together, or Not.
I just don’t know about Him.
Then there’s the ” ONE ” that I’ve Known for Many Years Now, BUT We haven’t Yet Met in Person. I’ve Wanted to Meet Him in Person for Many Years, but Every Time the opportunity came up there was always something that happened to prevent it.
Now, I’m finally FREE of ” Rehab ” for My Knees, and I’m in the ” Process ” of Trying to Find a New Apartment, the Opportunity to Meet HIM is Opening Up Once Again.
As that Chance to Meet Him edges Closer, and Closer, I find Myself getting ” Nervous ” about it…. Wondering IF He is Truly the ” ONE ” for Me, or Not. I know that I LOVE HIM Very Much… I feel it VERY STRONGLY throughout My Heart, and Soul, EVERY TIME I Talk to Him on the Phone. Yet…. Talking on the Phone, I realize is a Very Different Thing than interacting with Someone in Person.
WILL We Still Feel as STRONGLY about Each Other Whenever We Finally Meet ?!?!
Just like with the ” ONE ” from My PAST, I realize that there’s NO Guarantee that Things will work out as ” Wonderfully ” as I’ve Always Thought They would when Him and I FINALLY MEET in Person. So What’s the Answer to This ? I Wish that I knew.
Now… Last but DEFINITELY NOT LEAST….
There’s the HANDSOME AND SEXY ” AUSSIE “.
Oh My ! He is Definitely VERY Sexy !
Plus, as far as ” Charm ” goes… He’s simply OVER-Flowing with it !
He’s So Sweet I could ” Lick Him ALL OVER like He was a GIANT LOLLIPOP ! “
I Met HIM in PERSON several Months Ago, while I was Still at ” The Consulate ” – the Rehab. / Nursing Home – that I was at for ” Physical Therapy ” to Learn how to Stand, and Walk Again despite My Bad Knees.
It Literally TORE MY HEART APART the Day I had to Leave ” The Consulate “. It HURT so Much that I had to Choke Back the TEARS on the Bus Ride They gave Me to get Me to My Parents’ House – ( where I’d be Staying Till I can get a New Apartment ).
Since I Left There on December 19th, 2012, it’s been So VERY HARD to not TRY to Find a Way to Go BACK There to Visit Him Every Week… IF I COULD !
But, Thankfully, at least My Niece has been Sweet Enough to give Me a Ride There Twice now… Once on January 16th – and Once on February 2nd. I know those 2 Visits were pretty close Together, but I couldn’t help Myself. I Missed HIM so VERY MUCH !
When I Left ” The Consulate ” on December 19th I WISHED with EVERYTHING IN ME that I could have Taken HIM with Me ! But, of course that wouldn’t have worked since I was going to My Parents’ House… and there would have been NO WAY that They would have accepted HIM staying with Them, AS WELL as ME ! LOL ! That would have gone over about as well as a ” BOMB ” being Dropped on the House !
But Anyways… Ever Since I started Talking to Him at ” The Consulate ” when I First started to get to Know Him…. I’ve been ” Drawn to Him “, like a ” Moth to the Flame “.
I haven’t been able to Help Myself…. I Want to Be WITH HIM so VERY Much !
The Very FIRST Time He Kissed Me I was Amazed at How His Kisses Started a FIRE that Burned throughout My Heart and Soul, and wouldn’t quit !
Ever Since that ” FIRST KISS “…. I can’t help but Want MORE, and MORE… More Kisses… Etc.. Etc… I want to Be WITH HIM !
I Want to Feel His ARMS around Me when I Fall Asleep at Night, and Wake Up Next to Him in the Morning.
Whenever I go to ” The Consulate ” to Visit Him, it’s SO HARD to Leave when it’s Time for Me to go. I don’t Want to Leave Him There. I WANT so BADLY to Stay With Him !
He’s Said that ” FEBRUARY 28 TH ” is His Discharge Date. He’s said that’s when He’s going Home. I Hope that They don’t change it at the Last Minute on Him. I hope that He Truly can go Home on that Date. But ALSO, I’m Hoping that Once He goes ” Home “, that Somehow I can GO TO HIM, and BE WITH HIM… THERE IN HIS HOME !
Somehow I’m going to MAKE that Happen ! SOMEHOW !
I Love My ” AUSSIE “, and I Want to Be With Him.
Where does that Leave the OTHER TWO ??? LOL ?!
I don’t know….
ALL I know is that ” My Aussie ” is HERE… Near Me… Where I can Find a Way to go to Him, and NOTHING is going to STOP Me from Being With Him ! NOTHING !
Maybe that’s My ANSWER to ALL of This ????
Maybe despite Everything I’ve thought Before… Maybe it’s TRULY the ” Aussie ” that I LOVE Very Much, and TRULY Want to Be With !